Am I still a christian? (part 2)

Sometimes I wonder. I feel like I'm on a downward spiral & it hurts so much but I can't seem to stop sinning. I sin so much more now than earlier. It hurts so bad. I'm trying to remember God but it doesn't seem to stop me from wilfully sinning almost every chance I get. I'm tired of this state of affairs. I constantly feel that God is there over my shoulder ready to condemn me as His patience has run out. I know that thought isn't scriptural but it still exists. I'm looking around for people to confide in but most of them don't seem to be mature enough themselves so how will they understand me & my weird life? I also seem to be looking for answers everywhere but God. Even when it's devotion time, I find EVERYTHING else to do (even cleaning the house so you know it's bad!). Yet still He provides! What kind of God is this? I shun Him, insult Him, grieve Him & YET HE PROVIDES!!! It puzzles me but is still abit reassuring. I owe God so much but I'm not performing (in my opinion). God help me please! I'm tired of this but I can't seem to stop. Now i know how Paul felt in Romans 7. I have hope tat's why I'm still here but I need a jump start to get back in my spiritual groove. Every sin has its consequences & I'm hoping God doesn't punish me as my (many) sins deserve. God? Just a suggestion? Why don't you possess me completely and take over my will? Just for a year? That way I can't sin? Wouldn't it grieve you less? Just a thought? I know you won't but consider it. Easier for both of us... Later.