Prayer of thanksgiving

I just want to publicly thank God for the following. Feel free to ignore this post. It's mainly meant for God. Thanks Lord for:

• Providing for me during my period of unemployment.
• Being with me even when PRACTICALLY everyone at my church (over 35) prefers to wallow in ignorance & complacency and brand me as a heretic because I think differently.
• For blessing me even when I abuse You out of frustration & anger. You could've struck me dead at any time but You didn't.
• For keeping the van road-worthy despite no maintenance work (except oil-change) for MORE THAN A YEAR!
• For placing Nicole in my life (& getting her a good job so she can help me out now & then financially)
• Boosting my confidence whenever people say & do the most hurtful things. Lord, I'm convinced that Christians are my worst enemies bar satan & his demons. And probably on certain days, they will beat even him.
• Giving me a group of teenagers who have made my life richer & who've taught me true love, patience, RIGHTEOUS anger & the relationship You have with the church.
• Giving me less than 10 true friends who I can trust. It's so hard to find good friends now and You gave me about 6! Thanks.
• Thanks for DSL. Bye dialup!
• Thanks for all the girls who like me. I realize that my taste in women is esoteric but You still provide them for me in spite of my daunting personality.
• Thanks for my personality. Complicated yet straight-forward.
  
• Thanks for my (VERY HIGH) intellect.
• Thanks for the gifts Your Spirit has given me.
• Thanks for the support of Elder Carl Beckford. He's the ONLY TRUE, ACTIVE supporter of my cell group in church. Not even the parents support me spiritually/emotionally. They just aren't fighting it (much).
• Thanks for giving me the strength & ability to deal with the parents of my kids. The veiled insults, the lack of respect, the suspicion, the threats (in some cases) & the tacit, conditional approval is enough to drive an ordinary man mad.
• Thanks for education. It has made me see the world in a different light from when I was ignorant.
• Thanks for my mother. Despite her negative approach to a relationship with me, she's taught me a lot & supported me (in some ways).
• Thanks for my fluency in the English Language & creole. It has helped me a lot.
• Thanks for making all my body parts function satisfactorily. Thanks especially for the size of a certain body part but that's for marriage (darn!)
  
• Thanks for my house. Living alone in a 3 bedroom house is fun!
  
• Thanks for my puppies and for not allowing them to be sick in spite of them not getting their shots yet.
• Thanks for my church. Not the people, the church.
• Thanks for my pastor. Teaching me the true meaning of respecting authority even when it is disagreeable.
• Thanks for my life experiences. It has helped me to understand my kids & to be open-minded in my approach to people & their issues.
• Thanks for saving me. Salvation is da bomb! Sin-life sucks ass!
• Thanks for my visa.
• Thanks for my new job. (speaking it into being by faith).
• Thanks for my guardian angel (s).
• Thanks for my David anointing.
• Thanks for giving me insight, vision, determination & intelligence to get YOUR job done.
  

That's it for now Lord. I really appreciate You. I can't stand You sometimes but this is usually when You are doing things I don't like or understand (like now). But I REALLY love You. I will serve You until I become chronically sexually impotent ( same thing as death to a black man ).
Stay close. Remember Your Word because I store them in my heart and I will remind You of them when I pray to You. Keep sweet and I'll never forget that You are God so I won't take liberties with You (much). Thanks for dying on the cross too. I wouldn't have died on the cross for You (honestly) but You did for me. Great job. Must have been PAINFUL. I think You are too good to us Christians. satan would KILL his people if they deviate from his rules. You hug us, kiss us & help us to do better. What a God You are! Thanks.