I failed God again

I did it again. I need to stop losing these battles of my mind. It annoys me so much! Sometimes I wish god would just remove all sinful urges from me AT ONCE. That way, I can't sin & grieve His Spirit, right? So why does He allow me to hurt Him? I love god but I still can't seem to get the motivation to serve Him fully. How do i do this? I'm still afraid to trust Him fully & still prefer to depend on my own mind to solve my problems. Doesn't make sense I know but I am so stubborn in my ways. Did my devotion though (finally). Glad I did. It felt so GOOD! Going to pick up myself now & try again. As Donnie said, "A saint is just a sinner who falls down & gets up..." Later.