Interesting Night...

Was going to kill myself last night. Only thing stopping me? I was afraid of hell! Of all the things. I believe that if you commit suicide, you go to hell. I was scared of the thought. This is after I made arrangements and everything. Well, I didn't die (obviously) but the only positive thing is that my mother seems to have changed. We actually spoke a bit last night. I hope we can maintain the rapport. This is the fourth time I've planned suicide. Not as a way out but as a way of easing my burden on people. I hope that's the last. Later.